i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
