did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize