i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Randomize
