lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
