I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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