When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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