Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
