On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize