I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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