You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
My day in three words: secret purse cake
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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