My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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