no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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