Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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