i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
