He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
