HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize