I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
