I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
