I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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