Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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