I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
