It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
