East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
