Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I just sucked dick on a ferry
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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