I'm gonna have a badass scar
Having a random hookup so left but love u
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
