Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
