and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
