Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Randomize
