Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
the day after is always just damage control
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
