How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
