I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Randomize
