HIV tests are more positive than that guy
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Randomize
