that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
operation harelip BJ is a go
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
