it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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