i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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