I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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