The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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