i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
just come out here and I will go home with you...
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
