Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
