After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
