I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Randomize
