I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Randomize
