He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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