I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
