So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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