U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
