Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
