also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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