this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
