that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
