onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
