I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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