If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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