there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize