Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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