The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
