This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
