also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
