Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
