she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Randomize
