also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
