i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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