I'm really into asian looking animals
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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