Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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