Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
