the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
