I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Randomize
