Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Randomize
