Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
