dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize