So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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