the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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