I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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