I faked an abortion last night.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
