He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
