Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
