the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I think i peed on brittanys purse
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
