Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
