Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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