i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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