I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
