I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
