Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
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