This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
