Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
COCAINE IS GR8
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
