y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
