I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
