we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
