he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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