Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
