I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
