man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
