I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
