jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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