speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Randomize