Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
