Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
