Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Randomize
