I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
